Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Propinquity and Stockholm Syndrome

I've been reading bits and pieces on the net, things like Propinquity and Stockholm Syndrome, both of which I've never heard of before. It's got me thinking. They seem to be related in that the victim and abuser are in close contact for an extended time. This also explains why a mother and child develop such a close bond, not the Stockholm Syndrome but Propinquity.

Propinquity is a word for the phenomenon whereby people are more likely to develop close relationships with those they are in closest contact with, like a work colleague, neighbor, frequent visitor, mother, father and so on.

Stockholm syndrome, on the other hand, is the propensity for a victimized person to develop strong feelings for the person who is abusing them. Check this article out for a more detailed and informed explanation. Wandervogel Diary

I have a friend, male, who was abused by a woman for about 3 years, kicked between the legs, punched in the face sworn at over and over again, mocked and taunted all the time. I often wondered why he just kept going back for more and more and more. Here's a link to an interesting article about "Battered Man Syndrome" It may seem quite funny that a woman could abuse a man, I mean, men are so much stronger than women. Aren't they? But you see, this man was raised in a family where he was taught that a man never hits a woman, never ever. She was a very beautiful woman and therefore had lots of male admirers who were only too keen to add to my friend's misery with mockery and abuse.
Three years after  these people went away he is still unable to distance himself from this abusive woman emotionally. I think I now understand why.
Neither Propinquity nor Stockholm Syndrome are very well understood yet by Psychologists but they do acknowledge that both are very real. I was a single parent and I think propinquity could account for the tremendous relationship I have with my children. I've also been abused by a woman and do admit that my feelings for her are way out of kilter, someone once said to me I was suffering from abused person syndrome: Stockholm Syndrome.
Oh well, that's my little bit of enlightenment for today, God loved me and stood by me when I needed him the most, he's still with me even though things are going so much better. Thank you Lord for your love, I really do appreciate it.



  1. Sometimes if a person cannot distance themselves emotionally from someone who is has been abusive to them, they may need to distance themselves physically until they can understand the situation objectively. As for a woman who would treat a man in the manner you have described, she would most likely continue this type of abuse if he were to continue to show an interest in her. She seems to have derived a special sick enjoyment doling out such abuse. As to why she abused this man, my 'expert' conclusion is that she basically despises this man and the more he takes the abuse, the more she sees him as being weak. This man needs to understand that he has value as a human being, and in that God created him, he is unique, special, and does not deserve such ill treatment from anyone. Oh, and this woman's friends are losers too.

  2. You never cease to amaze me with your varied interests and thirst for knowledge. Thanks for another glimpse into your life. It is so evident that God is your strength.

  3. Hello Joy.
    Physical distance does help, but with modern technology not much. This happened quite some time ago and he is getting over her, slowly.
    Women are great and don't really become abusive unless their partner isn't all that important to them or not very interesting, no Va Va Voom kinda thing.
    You're right about being of value to God, he is.
    Oh, you are right about her stupid friends, they are losers.
    Bless you Joy, nice to hear from you as always, Geoff.

  4. Thanks for the visit and compliment Pam. Yes, God is my strength and yes, there are a myriad of things to amuse the active brain of man.
    It has been found that people who keep their minds active will, in later life, not suffer from dementia.
    This alone I have found,that God, when he made man, made him straightforward, but man invents endless subtleties of his own. Ecclesiastes 7 verse 29
    That's me, investigating the subtleties invented by man.
    Blessings my friend, Geoff.