Wednesday, May 02, 2012

What to expect when next you visit South Africa

I would love to fly with this bunch of loonies.

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new plane and read about their Customer Relations.



Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. 

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"


On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."


On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."


"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane." 


"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."


As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"


After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."


From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."


"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."


"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."


"Your seat's cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."


And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"


Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."


Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"


Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"


After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today ... and, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."


Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

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  1. I got a laugh out of the this posting, especially 50 ways to leave your lover and only 4 ways out of the plane. Gotta love that customer service of the Kahlua Airlines though. :)

  2. That is an absolute riot!!! Loved it!! As I am from the East Coast of Canada, I will keep that in mind if I ever venture on Kalula Airline!!!

    Congrats on winning the A-Z Challenge and look forward to more of your posts!

    Patricia, Sugar & Spice & All Things ? Nice

  3. Hello Mr Geoff!! Those were funny! I don't fly but there is a plane goes over our house sometimes. Mummy said I could tell you this story about a flight she took in somewhere called America. The young man said "Ladies and Gentlemen, this plane is fitted with the very latest security equipment. Anyone getting up from their seat before we arrive at the terminal will have their luggage automatically rerouted to Moscow." She said you'd like it.

  4. This sounds like the old Southwest Airlines here in the US. They are more serious now. But Kulula sounds like fun.

  5. bummer, none of the photos are showing up.

    Mimi Torchia Boothby

  6. Hi there! Just found your blog! Now following :-)

  7. Now that the hectic stuff is over, time to reply to all your amazing comments.

    Gossip Girl, he, he, he.
    Kulula is, as far as I know, owned by British Airways. Of course the Brits wouldn't do this to their national carrier, too posh. :)

    Patricia hi.
    I guess if you are in an airplane all day hopping from one city to the next and back again, one does need a sense of humor. :)
    Nice to see management in agreement.
    Yeah, now I've got to think about what to post again, Rats! Completing the Challenge wasn't all that difficult, well not with a theme to research anyway.
    I'll be looking forward to your coming posts too.

    Victor, hello my little furry friend.
    It seems Americans have a sense of humor too, ha, ha, ha.
    Yes I did like it.

    Loverofwords, hi.
    Flying is flying, you know what I mean.
    Making money is serious business, but to be in a position to make lite of it is always better, kinda makes for good publicity.

    MimiTabby hi.
    That's weird, no one else seems to be having a problem, probably your service provider in a bad mood. I could send it to you by e-mail if you like. Or maybe he's in a better mood today. :)

    Mukono Uganda 2012 hello and welcome to Geoff's blog, nice to have you visiting.
    I tried to visit you but Google wasn't in a good mood either. I'll try again.

    Thank you all for your comments and for visiting. Blessings and love, Geoff.