OK. So Joy has kind of set me to writing again in her own caring way. It's all because of you Joy, ha ha.
I haven't really felt like writing a blog post lately for a whole lot of reasons, some of them good and some of them not so good but I think it's time I got to it again, don't you?
One of the reasons has to do with what happened recently between a friend of mine's daughter and myself. What happened was, I blew up before fully understanding the reasons behind her behaviour. You see, this little girl is only 7 years old and I have, for the past two years, tried so hard to be a friend to her and her 10 year old sister. I play with them and help them with their home work and when they are trying to make something I sit on the floor with them and get involved. Well the other day they decided to make paper aeroplanes and we got out the paper and started folding. Soon the lounge was strewn with paper darts and the girls were running around having a whale of a time. It was great fun but, as with all young children, it didn't take all that long before the younger of the two wanted to try something else. Now this is a very intelligent young lady and out came her dad's laptop and soon she was looking for origami designs. She chose a folding project that resulted in a paper monster face with a huge mouth and pointy ears. I, being the kind of person I am, grabbed a pen and drew an eye. She blew up. She started screaming and crying and shouting at me then she grabbed the monster from my hand and attacked me trying to punch me. As can be imagined I was taken totally aback and after a while I blew up too. I stormed out despite pleas from her sister and father not to leave, I was livid.
Of course by the time I got home I had already started asking the Lord what was going on, pouring out all my confusion to him. I was very upset to say the least. It just didn't make sense and I felt horrible. I sat at my computer talking to the Lord and slowly bit by bit He revealed to me the truth about this little girl and this is what the holy spirit showed me:
Her mother and father have just very recently gotten divorced but the fighting between her parents had started more than four years before that. She was only 3 when this all began and since the fighting and eruptions were between her Mommy and Daddy this was the only example she had as to how people treat each other. She only has the relational maturity of a three year old, a result of the abusive way in which the only substantial relationship she was involved in was handled.
I know I shouldn't have blown up, especially at a seven year old, but I was really upset and she was extremely explosive. It had happened some months before but things had seemed to have quieted down, well I thought they had, the last time she got upset her reaction was at least within the bounds of understand-ability.
Now I just felt like the worst person in the world, she really needed me and I had stormed out leaving her in a state. I shouldn't have done that.
Psychologists have warned us for years about the consequences of divorce on young children and through this episode I experienced it first hand. This young lady has suffered serious damage that, unless corrected, will affect her whole life. The divorce itself is only the termination of what started years ago, Mommy and Daddy adusing each other and setting a standard of relational acceptability that leaves much to be desired.
I will be seeing her next weekend, and since her father told me this evening that she was really upset that I had left and had in fact run after my car crying, I know that we will be able to undo the rift between us. I'm going to have to spend a whole lot more time with these two little girls helping them to understand what love and friendship means. If the lord is willing, and with His help I will be able to change the course of their lives for the better.
My parents didn't divorce, in fact, I never once saw my parents even argue, not even once. It is difficult for me to understand how two parents can be so ungrateful for the love of their partner that they would resort to such vindictive abuse that they would even destroy their own children's lives to get their own way. The relationship between a child and their mother and father isn't like that of a child and their mother's boyfriend or fathers girlfriend. This is a relationship in which they are involved as opposed to one where they are an attachment to one or the other partners. Yes, divorce is destructive but, the destruction usually starts long before any divorce settlement is reached and lasts far into the future.
Anyway, now that that is off my chest and there is hope for a brighter future maybe I can get back to writing posts. There are other things that have contributed to my loss of Mojo, like James coming back from Kilimanjaro completely changed and having to deal with a supplier that is letting me down when I desperately need their support to meet deadlines at work, but that is another story and I will deal with all of that in time.
Tomorrow I'm going to introduce someone new to you, a young man who has had a stroke and so wants to start his own blog. I'm looking forward to helping him set it up and teaching him as many of the in's and out's as I can. In the meantime God bless all of you, you have really helped me get through the last month or so. It is now very late, 12.35am and I must get some sleep, work tomorrow. Thanks for your patience, love Geoff.